she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
