she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
