hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
