I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
