So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
