I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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