youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
