dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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