peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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