I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
