You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
