4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
