Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
