Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize