Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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