listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
