He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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