Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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