the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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