Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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