I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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