I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
