You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
