Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
