Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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