I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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