A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A+ Viking dick
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize