i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
