I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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