I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
