btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
