i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm both gender and math confused
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
