You just made me feel so damn special
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
