Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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