I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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