I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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