Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Panties = found
Randomize
