I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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