Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
