is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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