just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
