Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
