I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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