Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
