i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
