please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my being single is dangerous.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
