i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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