I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
