Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
