My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
