WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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