Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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