i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize