what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
