The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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