I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we're making bets on your personal life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
