my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
