HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
