just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
