I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
