Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
