i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
