You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
