so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
