who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
