If i come over, it means nothing
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My dick has a subreddit
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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