Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
