GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
