I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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